The Boundary Paradox
Yes, I may not be the perfect person. I may not be the perfect son, I may not be the perfect grandson, I may not be the perfect cousin, I may not be the perfect friend, I may not be the perfect partner, I may not be the perfect boyfriend, I may not be the perfect leader, I may not be the perfect example, I may not be the perfect confidant, I may not be anything that anyone expects of a normal, nineteen year old kid, but one thing I know for a fact is that I sure as hell don’t care about what people think of me. I am what I am. I’m not going to change just because a cultural manual says so. I am not going to change because of the way the society looks at me. And I sure as hell am not going to change because I’m constantly being led to believe that successful people played by the book.
Let me tell you the way I think. When I meet you for the first time, you’re just another person to me. Let me be honest, Yes, I judge you. Not by the way you look, or dress, or carry yourself, or your attitude. I’m going to judge you based on how you judge me. I know that everyone in this big spherical ball of gases and liquids is an angel, minding their own businesses, but seriously, you’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t acquiesce to the fact that we’re all human, and humans have the tendency to compare themselves with the people they make acquaintances with, and embellish their egos by telling themselves that they’re better than the people they meet occasionally, or on a regular basis. It’s this constant strife, the conflict between your persona and your ego that makes you who you are. I’m no different, you aren’t either.
This brings me to the theory of reciprocity. Reciprocity, in social psychology, refers to responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions. As a social construct, reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently much nicer and much more cooperative than predicted by the self-interest model; conversely, in response to hostile actions they are frequently much nastier and even brutal, even when the initial stimulus was unsolicited.
You judge me, I judge you harder. You try hurting me; I try to hurt you back. You be nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. When people say “Struck the right chord the very first time we met”, it doesn’t really mean that they’re perfect for each other. In one way, it simply means that they judged each other to just about the appropriate, similar wavelength. I’m not telling you that it’s the only way, but I am, as mentioned earlier, just telling you the way I think. In fact, I can tell that you’re judging me, as your eyes skim through these lines, which brings me back to the part where I said “I couldn’t care less.”
This is just me being honest. I don’t like extravagant festivals, too many traditional aesthetics, rules and regulations. And I totally understand why I’m being labeled as a rebel, given that I’m an Indian.
India is a country of immense diversity in people, culture, languages, geography and what not. But there’s one thing that unites each of the billion people in my country, a submissive attitude towards boundaries. Most Indians, in my opinion, confine themselves to a particular zone, one which they consider safe. A farmer’s son must become a farmer. A priest’s son must learn the Vedas and become a scholar. A businessman’s son/daughter must grow up to take up the mantle from the old man. There are so many more examples I could quote, but I would never get to the point.
This country, more than it’s obvious differences, is being divided by a common misinterpretation of the caste system. Yes, we have a reservation system. But with all due respect, let me tell you bluntly that the system simply isn’t efficient enough. Take the example of higher education in the country. A candidate applying for a seat in any college/university is evaluated based on four things-High school aggregate, entrance examination scores, financial background and caste. Now, you tell me, what does caste have to do anything with the mental prowess of a person? I mean, you would understand the first three being obvious necessities, but what does caste have anything to do with how well a seventeen year old can solve a math problem, or analyze a situation, or come up with a solution to a question? Why can’t every applicant be viewed objectively based on his merit, and not on the basis of which god he worships, or the kind of work his father does?
Another thing that really bothers me about this country is nosiness, uninvited interference. I mean, what a person wants to do with his/her life must be a decision to be taken by him/her after consultation with people he/she confides in. The parents, of course, because they’ve been a pillar of support since the time of birth, some relatives and friends. The decision can and must be influenced only by these people. That’s not the case in my country. In my country, everyone has a say in your personal life. I mean, seriously, what did my uncle’s wife’s third cousin’s first son do to get a say in what career I wanted to pursue? This nosiness extends to bizarre ends. Taste in music, favourite sport, the food we eat, the stuff we drink, the clothes you wear, the car you drive in, the school you study in, the girl you’re married to, the school your child’s going to be enrolled in, almost everything! I mean, do you have no concept of personal boundaries? You do a pretty great job confining yourself to a fixed limit, that may not even suffice half of what is your true potential, but you don’t feel a single ounce of awkwardness interjecting into someone else’s personal life?
This brings me to my concept of the Boundary paradox.
India, despite its prowess in almost every field that exists, confines itself to very finite set of possibilities when it comes to individual ability, constantly underestimating itself and sticking to a boundary that doesn’t exist. While almost worshipping the above mentioned boundaries, my country also broadcasts an utter disregard for personal boundaries, with people interfering in others’ personal issues like it didn’t matter at all, thinking that they’re being of help, while all they’re doing is invading said person’s privacy!
I believe that as long as this Boundary paradox exists, this country will remain unchanged, unable to understand its true grandiloquence. We put countries like the USA, UK, and Germany on such high pedestals without even realizing that with the right minds doing the right things, India could outwit and overpower almost every single country in the world.
Do what you think is best for you. Understand yourself, constantly evaluate yourself and estimate your potential, work hard towards making your dreams a reality. Doing all of the above, will with no doubt have you branded as a rebel, but think about the bigger picture. What does it matter if you’re a rebel when you’re doing what you want to, when you want to, unless it’s hindering the others around you? Playing things safe doesn’t make you smart; it merely makes you yet another victim to the relentless deceit of societal pressures. Take some risks, enjoy life. Make the most of the limited hours that you have left. When you do what you like, you obviously put your heart and soul into it, which in turn can only garner positive vibes, for you, and for the people around you. Take a few calculated risks, step out of your comfort zone every once in a while, and explore the infinite possibilities.
Bring forth the change, be the change! To hell with the Boundary Paradox!
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Written By C. Anirudh Rohit
