India: The land of long festivals

First of all, I apologize for not writing in this space for a while. In my defence, I was (not watching Narcos and reading Percy Jackson) busy. Wait, no one cares? Alright then.

Ah the outset, I wish all of you a very happy Diwali, or at least I think it’s Diwali. Indian festivals are like Indian movies. They always go on longer than needed and towards the end you forget what you started with. Take Diwali for example. It isn’t just a one day festival. There is Dhanteras, Chhoti Diwali, Just-Hit-Puberty-Diwali, Going-Through-Hormonal-Changes-Diwali, Diwali itself, Bhaidooj (no that’s not the next Salman movie name), and whatever movie is releasing that Friday. In festivals in other countries (read USA) it is one day and that’s it. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween – it doesn’t work in parts and sequels, like Indian festivals or movies (Bhaidooj, in theatres near you this Diwali).

I’m happy India is this way, because who doesn’t like holidays and festivals (and most importantly, discounts on Amazon) but it is interesting to observe these peculiarities nonetheless.
Ganesh Chaturti in Maharashtra is longer than my college exams. Bombay’s Ganpati season is beautiful, majestic, artistic and the traffic during visarjan (idol immersion) makes you want to bring god to life to help you.  Unfortunately, for the last 4 years, every year I’m out of station during this period and haven’t been able to visit my friends who invite me. Now they probably think I’m atheist, or worse, rich.

Durga Pooja is a multi-day festival as well, but that’s primarily because no one can cover all those Pujo pandals in Kolkata in ONE DAY. Especially when each of them have mouthwatering egg rolls and chowmein, it better last a few days!

Technically, even Holi isn’t just one day. There is the previous day, where you’re supposed to burn wood for the Holi goddess Holika (it’s nice how many sanskaar approved days we have for air pollution). There is also the all important day after Holi, where all boys flaunt their dirty fingernails and Holi colour scars which make Jared Leto’s Joker tattoos look normal.

In the last few years, urban India has tried to celebrate Halloween, because we love copying the west, unless it is their marriage laws, gender equality or anything relevant, in which case we go the opposite way. Also, if you really want to see Indians in funny and outlandish clothes, you could just watch any 70s or 80s movie.

Navratri of course is another long festival, which gives my mother her annual opportunity to showcase all her best sarees. But it is interesting to see a festival built around the concept of going and chit chatting in your friends’ houses. I normally don’t wait for a festival to tell me to go visit my friends.

India is known to be a land of festivals, and we should be proud of that. In a world ridden with diseases, terrorism, atrocities and Donald Trump, these many festivals are a mandatory miracle. However, if you plan on bursting one of those 10000 wala or 20000 wala crackers/bombs this Diwali, please be polite enough to shoot me in the head first. Happy Diwali!!