It’s White and Foreign So It Must Be Amazing

Indians spend half their lives accusing people of racism. The other half of their lives is spent in being racist. The wonderful thing is to see the subtle ways in ways racism manifests itself in our country. No one today says “You’re dark so I’m not employing you. Unless you’re Batman. You’re not Batman, are you?” Because what’s the fun in being obvious? For that, we can just watch 12 Years A Slave. Today, our film industry is full of actors and actresses competing with the newest white color of Asian Paints (I’m thinking of coating my bathroom with Varun Dhawan, Siddharth Malhotra and Alia Bhatt on the 3 walls. I will then call it “Bathroom Of The Year”) and if the movie has a dark skinned character, 9 out of 10 times, he is a villain, Bihari politician (it can be argued that the two are synonymous), actor with a minor role, or Johnny Lever. All our top stars are whiter than Arvind Kejriwal’s money, our advertisements for fairness creams air a hundred thousand times every day, and claim that each time you see the ad, you get 0.05% darker. This obsession with white skin can also be correlated with another syndrome because I want to write about it – I am brilliant that way. This phenomenon is known is “Foreign is awesome, white ho toh tide ho”.

The truth is that, in a global context, India is amazing today. The World over, everyone is admitting it. China is becoming the sidekick who keeps trying to get the center stage but keeps falling down by the wayside, or as Bachchan family calls it, Abhishek. Not only are we doing well, we are slated to do even better.

Around 20 years back, studying abroad was a big deal. Irrespective of what course you pursued, if you said that your kid is studying outside India, it was a fair assumption that the boy would fetch a dowry of at least Subrata Roy’s hidden assets while if a girl did the same… she would be able to cook international cuisine. That’s all you want, right? (#FIRisComing)

Today, things are a little different. A degree from a good foreign university is definitely valuable, but the blind assumption that if your neighbor’s child is studying at the US, then he/she must be busy becoming the CEO of Apple, is a bit farfetched. Today, more students are going to study abroad not because they are too good to study in India. It is because they weren’t able to get a seat in the Indian college of their choice. Hence, studying at Richardson Superman University  instead of Sahani Babli University isn’t any much better. The inherent assumption that if you’re studying abroad, you must be very bright, is like assuming that whenever two people fight, whoever cries is right. But before my friends abroad decide to never talk to me again, it must be known that there are lots of good foreign degrees. The only thing is that India has just as good ones in certain fields. Hence, it is purely a matter of your priorities, your wealth and how many white people you want to be surrounded by.

But those who do go abroad go study, say Australia or USA or UK or Russia or Canada, it does have its own merits which have nothing to do with the job you land…

1. Irrespective of how good the college is academically, the campus will resemble Hogwarts.

2. You don’t have to worry about load shedding. So you can watch Game of Thrones without doing mental math.

3. You get to meet people of different nationalities, different cultures, and different backgrounds, which is much better than “I’m from Thane. He’s from Ghatkopar. She’s from Andheri. Cool. Unity in ‘diversity’.

4. Everyone in and around you, your friends, classmates, professors, seniors, guest faculty, neighbors, gardener, bar owner, are all so good looking, they can make a career out of it. Every guy looks 20% Zac Efron (I’m given to understand girls dig that?) and every girl looks 20% Emma Watson (Yes. Guys do dig that).

5. You truly understand the value of money. In a positive and negative way. Everyone loves saying that money is not everything, but whoever says that, says that only after accumulating a lot of it.

6. If you’re dark skinned, chances are that you are one of the few, in which case, you can always accuse everyone around you of racism. “Hey, the coffee is for 5 dollars and I paid him 3.50. He’s not letting me go just because I am dark!”

7. WiFi. Actually, this should be reason number one. Unlike in India, here you don’t struggle for a WiFi connection, raising your phone to the sky for stronger a stronger network, like the iconic scene in Lion King where Rafiki the baboon raises Simba towards the sky, trying to connect Simba to the jungle WiFi.